the birthday girl.

crutch

2005-04-13T17:08:58Z

this girl in my chemistry class is a model but the picture made her nose look big so i wasnt even jealous.

druken phone calls should be outlawed. after the events of last night ive decided to invent a telephone whose numbers can detect your blood alcohol level so that people can stop ruining their own lives. and so the police never have to show up again at 2am.

and on days when it rains i always manage to pick out the ugliest shirt in my closet. usually that shapeless tan one with the stains that i called a bargain at 75 cents. and i wear my hair up to take away any trace of femininity. and i wear my glasses. maybe to create a physical barrier or maybe just so you wont notic how pretty you used to think i could be.

and when you were pouring the new wine into the old bottle... i realized that none of this is real.

dear diary.. there are no words for this.

2005-04-13T02:20:28Z

i put you in a box. literally. physically. packed you away. but it could never contain you. ah, the blessed curse of being introspective. it sickens me. no really-- like i keep vomiting. the first time i thought it was something i ate. now i knkow its something i thought. again and again. emotional purging. or maybe its really not that elegant at all. maybe its just vomit. even if you're not the substance i'm sure you'll always be the bitter after taste.

its official. im now the honorable sexual ambassador to canada. my patriotism is unparalleled. not a force to be reckoned with.

apparently having more than one tye dye shirt makes me a socialist? ... ive been called worse, i guess.

today this one guy with a phD was telling us the factors that determine a person's success and productiveness and lifespan and he basically said happiness wasnt any significant part of that like it was just completely frivolous but i cant really wrap my mind around that concept because even if you're "successful" (whatever that means) and ambitious and have everything you could ever want... if you're not happy.. whats the point? and thats the thing about this concept of being "happy"... i mean what is it? an attitude like optimism or idealism? or perhaps a lifestyle practice of not letting stuff get you down? or is it just a momentary feeling based on nothing and everything. thats probably the most awful way to think about it because that would mean you really have virtually no control over your own happiness and if you dont have control over it then essentially someone else does. i dont know but im willing to wait (forever) to find out because something (anything) has to be that important to me right now.

I AM SUCH A LIAR. months into this and you'd think i'd have the hang of it by now. but i dont and it doesnt really matter i dont guess because pretending is so much easier frankly. people ask how it is. and i hate them for that. what a pretentious question. i mean honestly and the sly grin they smile when ask its as if they know how much its killing me. but i'll never tell. nope. p.l.e.a.s.a.n.t.l.y.u.n.a.f.f.e.c.t.e.d. that the name of the game. i give the standard response "its fun. its hard. but its fun" what a liar. its never fun. and im practically pulling straight a's so it cant be too hard. thats the beauty of it i guess.. to lead them completely in the opposite direction because then they're even further from figuring me out than when they started. the response is so strategically planned though. if the first thing that pops out of my mouth is "fun" then they think that im happy (am i? to be determined...) and telling them its "hard" makes them think that 1. im concentrating on school and 2. that im just averagely intelligent and its not coming so easy. and then sometimes i just wish it wasnt me.

grad speech.

2004-05-28T16:41:00Z

It is such a pleasure to stand before you all on this special occasion. Tonight we have become even more aware of the amazing potential within each of these young people. As I look among my classmates, I recognize a class of people who decided on a goal of academic success and have achieved just that. Years ago we began a journey together; a journey in which we dedicated our lives to a process of thinking, learning, and growing. And now, almost thirteen years since beginning this journey, we stand before each other again knowing that we have most certainly changed for the better. Sure we are inches taller and pounds heavier. Our fingers are longer and our eyes a little brighter. But more importantly than these things are the changes that we have made within ourselves. We have created confidence, discovered talents, and earned respect. We are a group of people who have demonstrated our abilities and set a standard of excellence for others to follow. Tonight is not only a time to reflect on our accomplishments, but also an opportunity to explore the future. These hopes and dreams that were once just abstract ideas are quickly becoming a tangible reality. While racking my brain for profound words to leave you with tonight, I drove past a convenience store marquee that simply read “there are no accidents.” It is not by chance, happenstance, or accident that you sit before me tonight, but rather because of your own merit and dedication. You have chosen a life of excellence and you shall not be disappointed. I challenge each of you to go out into the world and continue to lead your life with such purpose and conviction that others will see your example and confidently whisper to themselves, “there are no accidents.”

the dinner party.

2004-05-27T01:56:52Z

In thinking back as far as I can remember, I recall a special memory that has somehow stayed with me through the years. Although it is not a unique experience particularly, it is one that seems to stand out above the rest. This was a typical conversation that has had a lasting effect on my life.
Every day after preschool I went to my grandparent’s house. When I arrived, I was always greeted with a kiss and a smile. Lunch was always on the table. These are given things that I came to expect. There was always the typical conversation. “How was school today, Stacey?” On this particular day, however, I was hit with a question that I didn’t expect. My grandpa asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” This question is not one that is particularly interesting considering that nearly everyone in America is asked this question by someone at some point in time. If the question is not posed aloud, at least it is a question that people tend to ask themselves.
So after thinking for a considerable amount of time, I came to the conclusion that I was destined to be a dental hygienist. I had been to the dentist many times, but I couldn’t remember my dentist’s name or even what he looked like. What I did remember about those visits, however, were the dental hygienists. They were always beautiful women who smelled of perfume and hairspray. As they were inches from my face digging for hidden cavities that may have been buried between my teeth, their eyes always became my focal point. They were never boring. None of their eyes were blue or brown or any typical color. They were all the color of the ocean on television. That crystal bluish green sparkle that could never be categorized as a single color. Their lashes were always in perfect position, set by charcoal black mascara. I could not help but think of spiders when I saw them. To a preschooler spiders can potentially be a scary thought. But not these spiders. In some odd way, they were comforting. Even though their mouths were hidden behind the same type of mask my dad wore when he was cutting the grass, I knew they were smiling.
At this point in time, I could think of no job more fitting for myself. When I got old, enough I would sit inches away from children’s faces and they would stare deep into my eyes. And my eyes would no longer be plain old blue, but they would be the bluish green sparkle of the ocean that I imagined only existed on television. The job itself would not be particularly important, but the smile behind the mask I was sure would make all of the difference.
It was neither the question nor the answer I provided that has had such a profound impact on my life, though. It was in fact the following rhetorical question posed in the midst of my daydreams about hidden smiles, spiders, and the bluish green sparkle of an ocean: “Why be a dental hygienist when you could be a dentist?” Most four-year olds would have taken this as something said in passing and thought nothing else of it. But to me, it was so much more.
My grandpa was a simple man in terms of society’s standards. He was an honest man who served in the armed forces and went to church on Sunday mornings. He retired from his blue-collar job at the post-office after thirty years of service. After attending East Carolina University for three and a half semesters, he was forced to take time away from school to support his family. What was intended to be a brief hiatus turned into a dream left unfinished. My grandfather lacked one semester of earning a college degree. He stopped just a step short of his dream. In the fifty some years that have passed since my grandpa made the difficult decision to give up the future he hoped to have, not a day has gone by that he hasn’t asked himself “what if?” From this simple conversation, I could tell that this is one question my grandpa hoped that I would never be forced to ask myself.
Although I was young, I had already discovered many things about the way of the world merely through observation. All of my dentists and doctors were males. Their assistants, namely nurses and dental hygienists, were female. From a very young age, I always assumed that I would grow up to be something typically associated with my gender. This conversation helped me see for the first time the American dream: You can really grow up to be anything that you want to be.
Throughout my life, this conversation has stayed with me. From time to time, the memory will suddenly replay itself in my mind’s eye. And when this happens, I cannot help but smile when thinking about how much someone believed in me, even as a small child. Something so simple, a common conversation, has had a lasting impact on my life. It is said that it’s not what you know but who you know. Although this idea is typically associated with cynics regarding nepotism and such, for me this sentence goes much deeper. It is surely people, not events, that shape who we are.

i win.

2004-05-04T16:06:05Z

So today I've got this scholarship interview. And I mean honestly, it's a little nerve racking. People (my mom, my guidance counselor) really try their best to downplay the importance of the interview today. They say corny things like "its just a conversation." Yeah, its just a conversation… a $4000 conversation! I mean seriously dude.. why don't people just tell it like it really is. And speaking of corny advice… haha, how about the person who told me to just "be myself." Excuse me? Im not even sure I know what that means, sir. Because when I'm "being myself" I don't wear jewelry or perfume or curl my hair or sit up straight or smile really big in front of 3 middle-aged complete strangers. So something tells me that "just being myself" today is gonna be a little easier said than done, yeah? (but I know how to play the game.. and that's what its all about anyway, right?). so yeah.. heres the thing. I have to be confident but not arrogant, charming but not pretentious, assertive but not aggressive, driven but not selfish…. There is definitely a fine line between all of the things. I mean lets make no mistake about it.. at 17, im inherently awkward. But sit me in front of three strangers in a high pressure situation and my social ineptitude is all to obvious. My guidance counselor said that they'd probably ask me how I feel about the war in iraq. I wouldn't mind telling them how I felt about war if I thought they were genuinely interested and didn't just want to see me squirm. And another thing, theyre almost sure to ask me why I am more deserving of this scholarship than my fellow classmates. This is the time when I'd love to break it down for them on the real about how contestant #1 has cheated on almost every test we've had and contestant #2 leads the classic double life that people think only exists in movies when it comes to drinking, drugs, sex, boys. But I guess they don't want me to tell them those things… because those things deal with morality. And morality makes people do silly things. What they want to hear me say is something along the lines of how all of my colleagues are undoubtedly qualified and deserving of this honor…. Haha. Yeah… its not easy being cynical and sarcastic when you're trying to impress old people…so when they ask me about my future plans (which they will) I think I'll skip the part about the peace corps in India and studying abroad in japan and medical school blah blah blah.. and head straight to the part where I marry the man of my dreams, have 2.5 adorable children,of course i will drive a mini-van and live in a fantastic suburban neighborhood with a quaint house complete with a white picket fence. And we'll all live happily ever after. The end.

'questions of sceince, science and progress, do not speak as loud as my heart.'

2004-03-30T22:56:30Z

and amazingly 2+ years later- its as if nothings changed. i mean things have happened and time has passed but i dont feel even one step closer to figuring all of this out.and by all of this-- i mean me. because at 17 it seems lik elife is this huge emergency. and maybe its not supposed to be like this. how much can one girl take? at the beginning of the year when i was filling out an essay for admission to unc the prompt was "if you were to write a book of memiors of your life to this point what would you entitle it?" back then i said "the virgin grandma" (which is still very applicable.) but i think that if i sat down right now and i couldnt squeeze out anything that cute or clever or witty or genuis-- i'd just call it something real... like "terminal velocity" because physics isnt just about abstract ideas and memorizing math formulas. its about the known. space. and speculation. light and darkness. theories. things that people accept even though they dont necessarily understand them. terminal velocity though. just the concept of it its incredible. its like earlier when i asked just how much can one girl take-- terminal velocity is the answer. you can only go so fast before everything slows down. and that's good-- because if it wasnt this way i'd fall too fast or spin out of control. but terminal velocity is almost too simple because like every physics concept it involves facts. formulas. numbers. here on earth though nothing is that real, or simple, or finite. if it were then i'd never start going too fast. and sitting on a park bench listening to a 2 year old scream at his caretaker over and over again in a barely recognizible form of speech among screams and sobs and gasps for air "i dont like you" makes my insecurities seem all too present. but right now i cant think-- i can only feel. its balancing the equation that i can never get right. either im using too much logic or too much feeling. why is there no physics formula for determining rational action? i mean couldnt they just spell it out for me-- when it comes to boys you should mix 2 parts heart with 3 parts head-- beat lightly around in the back of your mind and viola! because using too much brain makes you boring and using too much heart makes you crazy. i do a little bit of both and a lot of neither-- and somehow i still havent come out to normal. thats how its supposed to work, right? take the 2 extremes, add them together and you've got perfection. or at least the norm. not hardly though. im beginning to realize that everything ive learned over the past 17 years only works with paper, pen and numbers. reality is so underrated these days. i should really write a book to let science teachers know that terminal veloicity isnt about falling bodies and balancing equations isnt about conserving mass and energy. it cant be. because that stuff is almost too real. too logical. and now at this moment i can fully appreciate the beauty of tim obrien's mind. because theres a fine line between stuff thats true and stuff thats real-- and in the end whats really true and whats truly real are one in the same and we just call it all "history." or in this case, "herstory." my story. ourstory.

meet in the middle.

2004-03-03T16:01:16Z

thirteen? whoa. sad but true. maybe a little melodramatic in terms of my frame of reference... but powerful nonetheless. because honestly. it wasn't about the plot. two words-character development. and it reminds me how much girls really hate themselves. and alas, i cried. and im not a movie-crier. theres so much more i want to say... but i could never do it justice. so go rent it.

and thanks again for all of the calls, cards, CDs, pictures, emails, etc. last week. anybody who knows me knows that i get homesick like its my job no matter how much fun i'm having. so your efforts were most certainly appreciated.

so things are good. yayyy for spring break at ECC. that means i only have 2 classes this week. whats a girl to do with all this time on her hands? theres rumor of me and grace trying out for swim team next week.. but we'll see how that goes. wow. now i remember why i hardly ever write in this thing.. its an awful reminder of how boring my life really is. hehe. and i cant help but smile. because today is beautiful and nothing could ruin it.

jr. miss...

2004-02-20T03:15:55Z

heyyyyyy. so yeah. sorry i havent updated in a while. i just wanted to let you guys know that i'm leaving for greensboro tomorrow! and i'm gonna be there for 9 whole days! i'm really nervous/excited. but ummm.. i wanted to give you my address while i'm there in case you want to send me some fun mail! haha :)

Stacey Harrelson
c/o alex and sue neely
216 staunton dr
greensboro nc 27410

i'll have my cell .. but i probably won't get a chance to use it. or not much anyway. hopefully i'm gonna set up my voicemail tomorrow though so that if you dont send me fun mail, at least you can leave me a fun message. hopefully this way i wont be oh so homesickk. but yeah im really gonna miss seeing all your pretty faces (or talking to you kids online as the case may be). but i hope that you have an absolutely fabulous week!

<3.

figured you kids could use something lighthearted...

2004-01-29T05:08:28Z

Mysteries of Life

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not one in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

6. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

9. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

10. What do you call male ballerinas?

11. Can blind people see their dreams?

12. Why ARE Trix only for kids?

13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

14. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

17. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a "wet paint" sign somewhere,
you have to touch it to make sure?

18. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

19. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

20. Why do the alphabet song and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?

21. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

22. Why do they call it an 'asteroid' when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a 'hemorrhoid' when it's inside your ass?

23. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

yayyyyy for mindblowing rhetorical questions. lets just say a week without school leaves a lady with too much time on her hands.

happy belated birthday (01.27.1756)

2004-01-28T07:46:34Z

and its amazing. just when you start to think you're easily forgotten you realize that you mean so much to so many. and suddenly its not so hard to say you're alright...

happy birthday mozart. that made my night even better than it should've been. "music in the night" meets mozart marothon is the highlight of my week, no doubt. an unexpected yet lovely surprise. because honestly, sometimes even emo lyrics cant say what you really mean.

and i hadn't forgetten.. just not remembered these things often enough...

1. camping at jordan lake (lake jordan? whichever)
2. spooning.
3. china store shopping
4. the birthday cake shake at sonic at real annual conference
5. writing our speeches moments before we had to give them at acs (i dont know why that one sticks out so much.. but i like that memory. of us. on our beds. writing. separately. but together.)
6. de la whore-a
7. the YMCA dance (who could think of james roberts and not smile?)
8. "our moment" at acs post speeches pre talent show (when you officially became my best friend ever)
9. late night serenade at the cyc retreat.
10. me, you, grace, freaky friday, hot tamales, cookie dough bites, lemonheads.
11. dance lessons in the hallway of fancy new york hotels.
and the list could go on foreverrr.

yayy for dry bathtubs, stuffed pigs, candles, ice, and hand cramps.

x<3x<3

because you cant keep a secret if it never was a secret to start.

2004-01-28T03:20:00Z

now im wondering... is it me or is it me that cant see silver lining?

cups of ice and i still cant figure it out.

i guess this is the next best thing...

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry, you will someday."

i<3snow.

2004-01-25T18:31:37Z

now and then, american beauty, old school, and how to deal. let it snow...

so i started reading the five people you meet in heaven. and i was totally pumped about it because everyone ive talked to said it was fabulous. and its by the author of tuesdays with morrie which i didnt hate one bit. so yeah.. but honestly.. 30 pages in and im still not impressed. everything i've read lately has been super dissapointing (any suggestions?). i've resorted to re-reading the stuff i know i like because its safe that way. i think i might just write my own book. ohh.. and i'm trying to translate this japanese book. the hardest thing ever. japan has 3 writing systems.. 2 of them i've mastered (they have about 50 characters each).. but the 3rd writing system has like 5000 characters. totally hard. and so they're all mixed together in this book and there is no spacing between words or even any periods. soit'dbelikemewritingthisentireentrylikethishalfprinthalfcursiveandhalflettersyoudidntrecognize i'm so up for the challenge.

have a lovely sunday.

"A girl child ain't safe in a world full of men's."

2004-01-23T15:56:15Z

fun little story for you kids... who is angela shelton? so there was this lady named angela shelton who after college decided she needed to "find herself".. but her method was a little different than expected. she meant litterally, physically, find angela shelton. so she got an RV and a film crew, tracked down every angela shelton in the united states. got in touch with over 30 women with one common thread- a name. so she interviewed these complete strangers and found shocking similarities and inevitibly found herself. what a lovely idea? im just in awe of this simplistic creativity. i think, no. i know me and angela shelton could be friends...
how many stacey harrelsons could there be? what's really interesting is that they're boys named stacey too. now that would be neat.. to compare myself with the male version of stacey harrelson. craaazy. the sad thing about my name is that it isn't really.. what's the words i'm looking for..? i dont know.. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i've never met anyone over 30 named stacey. so we're still young in a sense... incomplete.

speaking of names... hahaha.. so this presents a problem. i registered to vote today. and on the form, of course, it asks for your name. well see, thats a little tricky in my case. because, in short, im living a lie. my name isnt really stacey harrelson. okay so it kind of is, but on my birth cirtificate they mispelled it (stacy).. so basically for the past 17 years i have been mispelling the first word that i ever learned how to write. pretty crazy, huh? so its weird because on everything i do, all my school papers, trophies, everything.. it's stacey. but on my birth cirt., license, etc. .. the things that matter.. its stacy. so in registering to vote i was really in a delimma as to whether to use my fake name (stacey) or my real name (stacy). but, i was too afraid to ask... i dont know.. i just couldnt really see the conversation playing out so well in my mind. i dont think talk of an alias goes over so well with those kinds of people. and of course you have to sign this statement verifying that the information you provided was accurate to the best of your knowledge... and i mean i guess its sort of accurate.. i mean technically? the word felony appeared more than once on the form in red.. and honestly.. it made me a little nervous! i mean i guess in a sense they are interchangeable since the pronunciation is identical.. but still.

so okay... i kind of feel like i want to include this while i'm talking about registering to vote. (we registered to vote at school. optional,of course.) at my table of about 8 people, i was the only one to register democrat. i know i know.. it turns my stomach too. the only one. and um, so i guess it wouldnt bother me so much if they were registering republican because they felt some sort of a connection to that party beyond family tradition. exibit A:

me: so, what do you think you'll register as?
her: what do you mean?
me: party affiliation.
her: what do you mean?
me: democrat, republican, reform...
her: well my daddy's a republican so i guess that means i am too.

welcome to my world.

ps... thanks to the fun people who post in my LJ. that makes me smile

dear diary. there are no words for this.

2004-01-22T04:38:41Z

wow. what would today have been without...

*long distance calls "just because"
*homemade chicken salad
*markers, construction paper, scissors, glue
*hot chocolate with real marshmallows
*politics and flattery
*advanced modern
*my picture making someone elses refridgerator

i tend to wonder.

so... teaching this gymnastics class with a room full of five year olds. after class one of the girls runs up and throws her arms around me... she whispered in my ear "i was thinking, i want to be you.

roses on your pillow.

starry night (minus) van gogh (plus) stacey (equals) choas.

2004-01-21T14:48:35Z

haha... sorry about the big dipper.. it looked different before it got all streched out... use your imagination, k?

staceyweece @ 2004-01-21T09:01:00

2004-01-21T14:38:50Z

note the time.. first period power outages make me smile :)

these are a few of my favorite things...

* . . *
\
*
\
* . . . . . . . . . *
\ /
\ /
\ /
* . . . . . *

star-gazing.
(my best attempt at drawing the big dipper).

how about that state of the union address? my favorite excerpt...
"America is a nation with a mission -- and that mission comes from our most basic beliefs. We have no desire to dominate, no ambitions of empire. Our aim is a democratic peace -- a peace founded upon the dignity and rights of every man and woman. America acts in this cause with friends and allies at our side, yet we understand our special calling: This great Republic will lead the cause of freedom."
the nerve of this so-called fellow united methodist will never cease to amaze me.
translation:
"America is a nation with a mission-- and that mission is preemptive strike. we have no desire to dominate, only to increase our wealth at the expense of others. our aim is a dictatorship in disguise.. whereby i feed you false information on minor details like WMD and inevitably get my way. when re-elected i will continue to alienate us from all former friends and allies. screw consent of the governed. i own your freedom"

... dont even get me started on the patriot act. actually i didnt even watch the speech because i knew that the main focus would be the war in iraq. which no doubt is alltogether appropriate (the focus of the speech that is, not the war itslef). however, i just couldnt bring myself to sit through another speech wherein the commander in chief mispronouces the word nuclear. which isnt really that difficult phonetically speaking. but i guess "nuc-u-ler" does have more of a dramatic effect... or something.

well its back to school for now. have a lovely day my dears.

<3.

hand-eye coordination.

2004-01-19T22:11:40Z

konnichiwa.

katsurin san wa ichiban no tomodachi desu
(watashi tachi wa otokonoko ga suki jyanai desu)

ichi gatsu san jyu ichi nichi ni katsurin san to asobimasu!! totemo omoshiroi...

katsurin san ni tegami o kakimasu. anata wa yasashi ku te kirei desu. yujo arigatou.

mata ne.

staceyweece @ 2004-01-18T23:10:00

2004-01-19T05:04:02Z

boo on boys that dont call back.
yay for longgg weekends.

so i dont really know why.. but i get really excited about weekends without agendas. but i dont really know why. yesterday i played golf. nothing like a saturday afternoon on the greens right? what am i? a middle aged man. ooh wait.. cause it only gets better. then for my saturday night i gave molly a haircut and bath. and no im not a newly retired woman who hasnt figured out exactly what she's supposed to do with all this extra time she suddenly has. yeah actually im a 17 year old lady. but if i dont want to go out on the town drinking and sexin up some boy.. then well, tarboro doesnt have much to offer.

so tonight its a sleepover with my grandparents. its a real slap in the face as a teenager when your parents have wayy more of a social life than you could even dream of.
it scares me to think about how awful everyone gets when they go off to college.
why does everyone underestimate the relevance of my opinions?
american people are self-centered. oooh my, im freakin johnny depp.
stream of consciousness is fun.. and definitely healthy.

quote of the day: "but i've hit the wall...and i haven't quite figured out how to work my way back from the serious to the pleasant and unaffecting"

that pretty much says it.

g\unit

2004-01-17T04:37:51Z

and one more thing.
i<3mema&grandpa.

staceyweece @ 2004-01-16T22:49:00

2004-01-17T04:30:42Z

mema and grandpa taught me how to make chocolate pie today. much harder than i thought. but all in a days work. well on my way to becoming "self-sufficient" jyyeah. b/c apparently overly-independent=desirable. at least in my case.
okay.. as much as i'd like to go easy on you as far as my first official LJ entry is concerned.. i think we'd both be kidding ourselves if i didnt hit you up with a quick HDR.

since i was speaking of desirable qualities.. lets break it down tarboro style:
DESIRABLE (adj.): preferrable qualities.
syn.- slutty, dependent, ambitionless, self-centered, emotionally needy, immersed in pop culture. young.

no wonder i dont fit in here? the new definition of "normal" with regard to teenage life is about as out there as pat buchanan's sideways political views (no offense patty. xoxo.) but seriously. i feel prude-ish saying this but- we're bringing the term "growing up too fast" to a whole new level. which brings me to a good point.
while we're being generic and stereo-typical... let's just go with the terms "me" and "they"-
me and they. our common thread. we're both being forced to grow up wayyy too fast.

THEY- well according to bill oreilly much of it can be attributed to "gangster rap"- but i think that's a shallow explanation for this ocean we're drowning in. so how is it that THEY are growing up way to fast? legally speaking- drinking before permissable. but lets be real. everythings too soon. the drinking, the sex, and of course the so-called romantic "love" (not to sound cynical.. but realistically speaking.) there's so much happening so fast and so freely. i mean hey.. i guess that's what the founding fathers had in mind?

ME- growing up to fast in a sense of being "generationless". you hear it said that people are wise beyond their years.. but this is no wisdom that i have. no special secret. moreso a loss of identity. a youngold person. not just a true oxymoron but a real one.

sometimes i think i'm lost. but most things lost are gone forever. hopefully i'm just missing for the time being. find me soon.